About making new friends and strengthen old realtionships (for immigrants and non immigrants)

How the world would be like if we as adults acted like kids again in our relationships? How is the experience of an immigrant? have we idealized living abroad the place we grew up in? Its not a secret that when we grow up, the responsibilities of life such as family, work, children, needs, etc, start to demand more of our time and making and stretching friendship relationships, becomes other issue that feels more as a work rather than an enjoyable activity. With all of this, we cant deny the importance of good relationships and friendships in our life and mental health, and more in  persons that decides to move abroad (whether for necessity o not) and its all by him/herself because is totally new in a new place a has to start from zero opening to met new people. 

Thats why, in this article, im gonna give you 5 advice so you can, as an adult and immigrant, make (and improve) your relations 

1. Assume people like you 😎

Research finds that people who assume they'll be rejected (for example in ambiguous circumstances, like when someone is quieter than usual) tend to withdraw and become cold, ultimately pushing others away and willing the rejection they fear.

When researchers, however, told people they´d be accepeted when entering a group (even when this wasnt true), they shared more, disagreed less, and were more positive-making the premonition come true

"if people expect acceptance, they will behave warmly, which in turn will lead other people to accept them; if they expect rejection, they will behave coldly, which lead to less accpetance

2. Dont wait friendships to happen organically 😕

So many of us are waiting for someone else to initiate with us, but according to one study, when people viewed friendship as happening without effort, they were lonelier years later. When they viewed friendship as taking effort, they were less lonely

Thats why is necessary to be persistence, embracing the idea that friendship takes time, helps us calibrate the idea and expectations and not put pressure on the buds of an early friendship. Just because you might not feel like best friends form the get-go doesnt mean you wont be friends at all. Time cultivates friendship 

Tip: stay optimistic about new friends😃😃😃

3. When you picked your people... dont cover yourself!

Security here plays an important role. When you asume that you like others, you gain the courage to initiate interactions and persevere building relations. When someone does reject them. They know that it doesn’t mean anything about who they are. Se cure people assume they are likeable and also are not quick to assume rejection. 

Covert avoidance manifests as diddling on your phone or chatting. To overcome it, you must introduce yourself to others

4. Keep showing up 😝

Taking radical responsability in your friendship making also means that you take upon yourself to reach out. When you mete someone initially, make sure you follow up and find more time to connect. Its easy to get bitter and feel as if others should reach out to you, but that might just leave you bitter. Over time friendships tend to become reciprocal, so just because you have to put the work doesn’t mean you Always will. Reciprocity will come, but in the aerly stages of the relationship, you will need to reach out. 

5. Show people how much you like them💓

Meybe its clingy to show people that you liked them? Maybe its exactly what all of us lonely and insecure souls need to hear.

One study shows that the number one feature people look fore in friends is someone who likes and value them. According to the theory of inferred attraction, people like people who like them. When strangers interacted , one study found, how much one liked the other dependen on how liked they presume they were. When researches followed budding friendship pair for months, do you know which pairs endured? Those in which people expressed affection for another.

We think that we have to be fascinanting or very charismatic, but showing affirmation is just enough to make a new friendship

And about strenghthing our friendships...

True friendships are built on honesty and trust, repairing ruptures by apologizing or sharing your feelings, and making time for the people you care about. Also overcome conflict, show that you want to find a solution rather than alienate the other person. Conflict can strengthen relationships